I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
