This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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