Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
