Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The air was thick with penises
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
