so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
