Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
