history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
