I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
