when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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