6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
