well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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