If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize