he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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