Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize