so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
