I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Acid is not a monday night drug
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
