he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
