Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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