just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize