She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
