why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
