i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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