Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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