I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
