he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
