Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
