don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
