alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
