he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
