can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
