she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
