Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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