I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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