you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
