yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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