Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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