my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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