Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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