Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
