Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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