The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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