420 ftw
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
