i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
this hospital has no fireball
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
