I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
