If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
