she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
