oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize