I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
