Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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