Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize