a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
