My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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