I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
