Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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