Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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