Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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