So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
