Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
