I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
