I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize