omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
