so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
