Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
