she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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