Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In America we eat man semen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You made out with two different species that night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
