When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
