**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
