this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
