I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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