"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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