when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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