She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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