so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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