There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
