ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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